????

So, is anyone reading my "words of wisdom"? Anybody out there?

Nursing homes

I know its difficult. You don't know what to say to these people who seem almost dead or comatose. They have food on their clothes, or worse. It makes everyone think, "Dear, God, please don't let me end up like this", but it happens. This is a part of life. Often the body outlasts the mind or vice versa. The trick is to get both of them to wear out at the same time. Just doesn't happen often. I am going to say it now, as my mother did once. Don't ever feel badly if I should be found dead somewhere unexpectedly. My mother had a friend who died sweeping the patio at her house. Mother thought that was great. My mother wasn't so lucky, she lingered and suffered a long time, not what anyone of us would want. So when someone dies after 80, without pain, be grateful, consider it a gift. I would sign up for that. Visiting the nursing home makes you aware of how bad life can be and this is in a place where they are taken care of, clean, warm, well fed and medicine available. I know, that can be worse but in our society maybe we make it too good. I have a living will, but for my children and friends, don't make me suffer to live any longer than necessary. If there is not any joy left in living, let me go as comfortably as possible. If I don't want to eat or drink, please don't make me. And while I am at it, visit the friends and family that you know in the nursing home. They get blue and are lonely. Take them for a drive sometime if it is feasible. Take a magazine or a bag of candy or anything that is not readily available and pleasant. I see people who are at the nursing home and don't have anyone to visit. I wonder if they have families....
Oh, and make my room pretty...not with just nursing home stuff or your old junk.

College

When children are getting ready to leave home to go to college, my observation is that they will do things to distance themselves from parents and family. Watch and see if you see a pattern. It makes sense, by the time they leave, there is only relief that they are gone. It is somewhat like carrying a child for 9 months; when the nine months is up and there is only one way out of this, you don't hesitate to go through whatever it takes to "get shed" of them, or at least get them outside of you. Now, I am wondering if this is somewhat of a stage that children go through with their parents as they get older. Food for thought?

Don't ever burn bridges

Maybe this isn't the best way to say it but I am reminded how things will come back to haunt you...well, maybe that isn't the best way to say it either....hmmmm....This is what happened: There was a kid in my children's class in elementary school whom none of the children liked. He did wild crazy things like when he entered some one's home once, he just ran from one end to the other. I had a rule that if we had a birthday party with children from school, all were invited, including this ???? "difficult" child. Well, guess who the new doctor is at the local clinic. You got it, handsome, obviously intelligent, beautiful family, highly respected position. Don't ever burn any bridges. Or don't ever say anything to someone that you will be embarrassed if they turn up as parents to one of your children's fiance. These things have a way of coming back around. Consider yourself warned. By the way, I'm really proud of Dr. .........., kind of reminds me of the prodigal son parable.

wrinkles

Just a suggestion for you young mothers. I have never heard anyone else mention this, but I am convinced that the dreaded upper lip lines are produced by sleeping on your side or stomach. Push on your face from either side and watch what happens to your upper lip. Try this for 8 hours out of 24 and see what happens. I wasn't forewarned, thought that it was from smoking or puckering/pursing ones mouth. I don't do either but I sure did enjoy snuggling up with that soft pillow. They certainly are not pretty, you don't want them, so try learning to sleep on your back. Now, I have contributed something to the beauty of the world.

Reuse, recycle and repurpose

Do all of these things in your home. Your children will learn and they won't mind, in fact it can be fun. Those little symbols on the bottom of containers are kinda fun. It is a habit that we all need to cultivate and when children grow up with this, they will more than likely do it for life. It's a way of life...

Manners

Just like so many other things in life, if you set an example, they will learn. If you smile and say please and thank you, they will learn. Use a pleasant tone in your voice and they will learn that also. Have you known families who have a tone in their voice which they just use with the family and it isn't very pleasant? I have and I so didn't want that to happen in our house. When you are in the middle of raising a family it seems like forever but it really does go by quickly. The time, the chance is gone then. So, try to think of this every day. I know it is difficult but the discipline will pay off for the rest of your life.

The Beavers

I have told my children, if you want to see a model for parenting, look at the Beavers. I went to school with the father and loved the mother from the first time that I met her. Three of our four children have been really good friends for their whole lives, still are.

But, what I had observed in this very close and loving and achieving family is an attitude of total acceptance. I can recall several examples that were so extreme, I had to chuckle. One was when one of the girls had dyed her hair when a teenager and her mother said how cute she thought that it was. I cringed when my daughter put color on her naturally beautiful hair. Maybe Beaver Mother did also but it never showed. I also remember when she let the children make tiles, yes from the clay, painted them, fired them and layed a floor for Mother's greenhouse. It is still there, 30+ years later. Mother did the Unicorn in Captivity and the children did animals all around. Perfection, from the adult perspective was not an issue. She brought her four year old to our house to deliver a hand painted Paddington Bear to her friend, my four year old daughter. Oh, they moved into their new house just before Christmas, or was it Valentine's Day, but never mind, the cookies were baked and delivered to friends. She said, "First things first". Also, I never forget how they celebrated Christmas. Always there was a special Santa gift, note, I said "A", as in one. Once a gift was a toy make-up set, probably $8; that child is now a teacher and actress or maybe it is the daughter who is a professional dancer. One daughter, the one who is now a surgeon, wore her mother's dress from high school to her prom. Another special Christmas gift was re-made twins dolls from the Mother's childhood. These choices were not from a lack of means, but somehow they "got it" from the beginning and the rest of us were struggling to make Christmas more materialistic than it needed to be or should have been. But, there were always trips and skiis and camps and all of those things that really make life full. Guess what...one girl is a general surgeon, as I mentioned, one is a very successful professional dancer, one is a teacher and actress and the only boy is an orthopedic surgeon, but not only are they successful but they are gracious , loving and just good adults.

Oh, I forgot about the birthday plan. I think it was the 5th birthday that was a Broadway production. That was the only "big" birthday. One daughter's birthday was Dorothy and the Land of Oz. She enlisted teenaged brother and his friends, one was my son, to be the characters. The yellow brick road was on the driveway for years but none of those who participated will ever forget it. Note the Blog, "Give Them Good Memories".

So, young parents out there, look closely at the Beavers. They would say that they aren't perfect but I would say, "Pretty close to it from my perspective".

Santa

I just read a blog about "The Elf on the Shelf" and was stunned that a parent would tell their child that there is no Santa Claus. I still believe in Santa Claus, he/she is the spirit of love and giving that we find all over the world, especially for children. It started a long time ago with Kris Kringle, in Germany, as I remember, but when he died, others had to take up the cause and continue the spirit. Right, he doesn't fly through the air in a sleigh but all of us can be Santa to others. It is one of the greatest joys of the season.

Oh, the Elf on the Shelf.... Apparently he has been around for a long time but I only learned about him a couple of years ago when my son and his wife had one for their three boys. Apparently it was magic, which it is supposed to be, but in ways they hadn't anticipated. They felt like they were being watched by Santa's helper, which is true, Santa's helper is Mom and Dad but the elf makes it a lot of fun apparently. He shows up in different places each morning and gets into all sorts of mischief over night. As your older child catches on, let him/her participate in the activity for the younger children. It teaches about love and laughter and family and gives them GOOD MEMORIES ( read earlier post on good memories).

toys of history

Lauren: her favorite was probably books
Todd: his favorite was probably the green machine
Preston: definitely Capsula, he would play with it every day when he came home from school
Val: I think that I remember her playing with a toy that you could make clothes with fabric on a doll. There was an overlay..hard to explain
Liz: art supplies
John: knights and castle (may be prejudiced since I gave them to him)
Mason: football players, her would make sounds like the cheering crowd(again, discount Granny's prejudice)
Sam: bike or bow and arrows
Carson: trains and anything with wheels
Tully: Mr. Cow
These are my best guesses for favorites, correct me if I am wrong..

Toys, toys, toys

Ok, parents and grandparents...we buy all of these toys for ourselves and the joy we feel when we see them opened. We want a big production and a lot of drama when they discover what Santa brought. From my perspective, it isn't good for the children. What really lasts and is played with over and over are good basics. A really nice table and chairs that will stand up through years of use and several children. They can play with their toys one it, have a snack or color pictures for a long time. It will probably pass through the family for cousins etc. and might even make it to the next generation. (Happens before you know it!) Children need toys which give them an environment for creative play. Most children don't play with many of their toys but parents keep them anyway. Little boys love trucks and cars and trains and things that enable them to play with them creating all sorts of imaginary scenes. Matchbox cars are fabulous and a little spot of dirt or sand will make them happy. Speaking of sand....I used to love playing in a sand box, until I was pretty big. Loved the damp kind of sand that could make great cakes out of inverted containers. Find a way to cover it so the animals don't use it but buy the right kind of sand. Don't get that stuff that won't make roads and cakes. I know someone who has a large bucket of sand on her porch for the children to play in, and they do.

Let me just list some of my favorite toys for children:
Books, cars, trains, real looking baby dolls, dolls that can be dressed later when they are learning to sew and knit, house stuff like kitchens, pans, dishes and ironing boards, blocks, particularly the nesting kind. For some children construction stuff like Capsula or legos. Can't remember all of the names of these kits that enable children to make something. Great for following directions. What about puzzles or games, the kind that they play together. I'm not going to get into the video stuff...well, Wii can be good for the family together.
I bought Madame Alexander dolls for my girls when they were $9 and we had quite a collection. There was a shelf in my older daughters room that was filled. Once, when she was older, I said to her that she never played with them. She said, "What do you mean, I would imagine myself being each of those characters as I was falling asleep at night". There were dolls from history, characters from stories and from foreign lands. I got tears in my eyes.
Of course good riding toys are great. Don't rush the bike, a tricycle can't be beat. Apparently a skooter is good training for balance and preparation for riding a two wheeler. Forget the training wheels, wait until they can balance. Big wheels are probably the best all time riding toy, next to bikes. I have been called Granny Bikes because I have two big wheels and a green machine and two bikes at my house. Of course, I have the 6th grandson on the way. Buy these things at garage sales if they are not worn out, most will be.
If you have a child interested in music, do anything that you can to encourage it, but consider getting an inexpensive "real" instrument.
As they get older, sports equipment and finally, travel can be the best for their development.
This is getting to be longer than I intended but do give the gift choices some consideration. Children are overwhelmed by so much and it is a mess to keep up with. Think basics and things that will encourage growth. Good luck...happy holidays...early

Just gotta do it

Sometimes life is difficult but when you put most of our lives in the world perspective, we have it pretty good. When things in your life are difficult and being a parent is difficult much of the time, try to remember this. Once when I complained to my mother about how much I hated to go to the grocery and put things away, she said to me with a very straight face, "Be glad that you can buy groceries". There was a time when she couldn't. I remember once as an adult, recalling a little girl who broke the leg of my favorite doll and how I would never forget how sad I was. My mother told me that she had kept the child for the week and at the end of the week, she had enough money to buy some chicken. We had eaten potato soup all week...but she always made great potato soup.
Sometimes you think that life isn't fair but sometimes, you just have to buck up and do the right thing. Being up at night with a child can be the most trying. I remember having to get up early with my youngest child and just rocking her and telling myself how lucky I was to have that quiet time with my child and how quickly those times would be gone...she was my fourth. Try to see the brighter side of any situation.
Right now I am dealing with an elderly and ill person. But, thank goodness for the help that is available. Recalling about a year ago and the discussion about Depends, my Person was resisting but I told him about another friend who responded with, "Isn't it wonderful that these things are available". He got the message. Also, when I go to the nursing home, I think about how small my corner of the universe is and how you don't have to be very high above the earth to not see people. It is my job to do what I can in my little place of the earth and not to worry about much else, just do my job. It isn't always easy but I think that there has to be a lot of talking to oneself in these situations to survive it all without damage to ourselves.

Raising children is one of the great joys of life but also difficult at many times. Most parents are tired. I don't think that I could have worked and raised a family like so many women do today. Maybe there are some words of encouragement that could be offered from some of you at this point.

This post is rambling, but the message that I want to share is also a message to myself today, life is best approached with a positive attitude. Look for the bright side of everything. Winston Churchill said, "I'm an optimist, I figure that I might as well be".

Halloween

My memories of Halloween consisted of getting dressed up like a vagabond or a gypsy and walking for blocks with fallen leaves around our ankles as we walked on the sidewalks. We smeared charcoal on our faces and got in our mother's or father's old clothes to come up with a costume. I am amazed at the elaborate costumes that are available today from infants to adults. Maybe it is another aspect of making everything so organized. We used to skate on the sidewalks with clamp on skates, always having a skate key around our neck on a string. Now children skate at skating rinks. Games were played in the yard or on the sidewalks, now they are on organized teams. And this business of the little girls being dressed up with make-up and sparkle and crowns. I don't know, but it scares me. Of course, little girls have always dressed up but in mother's old high heels and old prom dresses. But, on Halloween, we can all escape. I wonder if this is part of the appeal. We can act out our suppressed personality. We can even disguise who we are so that people relate to us in a totally different way than usual. Children can become their favorite hero with an elaborate costume. The web has made so many of the fancy costumes available. My oldest grandson one year was a sumo wrestler, with an inflated costume. He could barely walk but it was fun. Another grandson this year is Chris Johnson, his favorite Titan's football player. One of my toddler grandsons is a dragon with an adorable costume. At least with the fancy costumes, they are wearing them more to parties and this year our children are invited to wear them to church. My children went to a Catholic school and they had a parade down a city street. The Nun, Sister Mary Anne, always tried to encourage them to dress like their favorite saint. But, really, that just doesn't meet the fantasy need to be something that you always want to be but can't possibly in reality. I'm not crazy about the older children who do the scary costumes and masks. Discourage your children from doing that, Trick or Treat is for little children and that can be frightening. One family in my daughter's neighborhood did an elaborate Halloween yard display with teenagers jumping out with chain saws. It frightened my grandson so that he ran out into the street. I am thankful that no cars were coming. Also, if you are pregnant, you are definitely too old. I think that most children get a few pieces of candy; we used to fill a pillow case and not stop until we did. But, it is always fun and has spread into the banks, restaurants and dentist office. Enjoy it and remember to see the fantasy in your child's eyes.

separation anxiety

You get the children all cleaned up and yourself ready by 9:30 AM on Sunday morning and head to Sunday School and church. The older children run to their classes with enthusiasm, but when you approach the nursery, there is a toddler clinging to your leg with fierce resistance to enter the place. It is one of the most frustrating things to deal with regarding your toddler. Wish that I had some help with it, but the best advice is to give it some time. Go to the nursery with them, plan to do that. Perhaps you can begin to leave them for very short time periods, starting with a couple of minutes and gradually increasing it so that theoretically, they will learn that you in deed will return. I remember once when I was lost from my mother at Penny's when I was about 7. I remember a sales lady telling me to stand by the front door, there was a belt rack next to me, and that my mother would find me. I really thought that she might not look for me and that I would never see her again.....and I was seven. So, give your toddler some time to grow up. It will naturally get better and I am not sure that it is worth the struggle for both of you to fight it. At least that is my perspective at this time in my life. This post is prompted by a toddler in our church nursery where I hang out quite often, who so resisted for a long time staying in the nursery without a family member. Today he was playing happily and had been on Sundays for the past few weeks. It will happen.

sex

Well, that's a jump, from pacifiers to sex. But, this is prompted by a program that I saw on Dr. Oz yesterday. Just a few points:

Boys don't know much about sex except where it relates to themselves.

There is no such thing as "safe sex".

If birth control was easy, why would your parents have had surgery? If you have sex, you are risking not only pregnancy but disease.

The brain shuts down when the hormones flow...at any age.

Some girls will do whatever to win the favor of boys. Doesn't work that way the other direction...with BOYS.

You don't want to meet a wonderful person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life and have a family and have to tell about parts of your life that you regret, disease, an abortion, a baby somewhere.

Alcohol deactivates the areas of the brain that control higher functions like judgment, discretion, appropriateness, etc. The only part left functioning is what is called the reptilian brain, the first part of the evolution of the brain, the part that controls basic function like respiration. That is why people do stupid stuff that they wouldn't in a sober state.

My answer to this:

Talk to your children about all of it, everything. Knowledge won't hurt, just be conscious of the age of those involved. According to Dr. Oz, middle school is definitely not too soon. They need to know about diseases and psychological complications and reputation. You can never eliminate a reputation. I am getting ready for a 50th high school reunion. We all remember who the fast crowd was.

tattoos

I saw a young woman last night at a restaurant that had bird/chicken tracks tattooed all over her arms. Now, maybe there is a story behind that but, chicken tracks... in her wedding dress, when she is 65? Maybe there was alcohol involved. I think that there is a lot of money to be made now and definitely in the future for removing these things. Of my four children, only the youngest was a part of this trend. She didn't get one, still can't believe it, so many of her friends did. (I think that they are past that age now) Why didn't she? She says that it was something that I said to her...hmmm....She says that she remembers my saying that I am glad that I didn't have to live the rest of my life with something that I would have chosen as a teenager. Wonder what it might have been, can tell you one thing, it wouldn't have been chicken tracks.

PS

I didn't know that more than one pacifier was allowed to each child. Duh. I think of that when I was several for my young grandsons. It could have been easier. Well, I may have had two but buy more if you decide to go this route. Like I said, I didn't learn some of these supposedly simple lessons when I should have.

thumb sucking vs pacifiers

I had four children, three took pacifiers and one sucked her thumb. Those who used pacifiers were taken away at about 6 months. I don't remember why but I was trained as a speech pathologist and had some concerns about...actually, I don't remember what the concerns were, suffice it to say, there were concerns, maybe something about the formation of the palate. Anyway, there was no problem giving it up at that time and I felt that was past the need to suck. They one who sucked here thumb did it until she was about three as I remember. Her teeth were starting to protrude at that point. I bribed her with a doll and a different outfit for several days if she wouldn't suck her thumb that day. When she really quit was when she watched her older sister have her braces adjusted. I didn't do it on purpose, just happened to be holding her when the dentist was talking to me about her sister's braces. But, I did tell her, when she expressed some anxiety for her sister, that sucking her thumb would cause her to need braces also.

So, from my experience, I would try to introduce a pacifier and if it is easy at the time, take it away at about 6 or 7 months. If you don't mind crawling under the bed at 2 AM to find the darn thing, or going back home when you have some other event, to retrieve it, than let them have it as long as you like. I think that it is less harmful than thumb sucking for sure.

baby food trends

Of course, I am a Granny, so my experience is different than yours today. That is why I named this post "trends".

First of all, I was breast fed but when I had children, I was never, no not once, encouraged to breast feed. The new formulas were found to be very satisfactory, according to the pediatricians, it was just a matter of preference. (Remember the thing about the first graders, can't pick out which were breast fed). But, my grandchildren were all breast fed. One mother even pumped her breasts for 7 months so that her child could get his best start when he wasn't able to nurse. Others have been very upset when they couldn't nurse as long as they would have liked. I know, there are antibodies in breast milk, but, I think that mothers suffer a lot unnecessarily over breast feeding vs formula feeding. One advantage for bottle feeding is that mother won't be as tired because others can feed the baby and I think that they must take more from a bottle at a time than with nursing. This isn't an argument for one or the other, just that there are trends and I have seen mothers suffer because of the current trend. There is also the issue of the solid food. My third child was 9lb 14 oz and we stayed in the hospital for a week at that time. Before I went home, the pediatrician stood in my room and said, "Get him on solid food as soon as you can, go through the cereals, fruits and vegetables and get him on meat as soon as you can. He will wear you out trying to feed him all of the formula that he will need." When I acted surprised, he said, "Do the math, he needs x # of calories for every pound he weighs." Now he is a tall slim runner and I think, very healthy. In some cultures, I have read that they scrape meat and feed it to babies. Who knows, it does change from generation to generation. It will probably be different when you have grandchildren. The thing to do then is what they see is "right" at the time. Children are amazingly adaptable and resilient. All of this is said so that you new mothers will relax and enjoy and nurture this baby. That is what they need most of all and that doesn't change.

Potty training

WHEN THEY ARE READY, note I said, when THEY are ready not when YOU are ready, it shouldn't take more than a weekend of concentrated effort. If you just do them as if you were training a puppy, if you know how to do that right, it won't take a weekend. Take them to the potty when they wake up and after eating and about every 30 minutes otherwise. Best to do during warm weather for obvious reasons. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with anything else, frankly, just know that they will when they are ready but don't be afraid to help them understand what they are to do. After all, wouldn't you rather wear cute panties /underpants than those big ole plastic things. They will love it when they get the idea. If they don't seem to be getting it, back off and wait a week or two and try again. I usually found that a good signal of when to begin was when they wake up with a dry diaper. Of course, make a big deal of success and certainly, never, never scold. You wouldn't do that though, I know. Good luck...

elders and babies

At this point in my life, I find myself sometimes up with babies and sometimes with an octogenarian. It is very much alike in that just when you get them settled at night and get settled for a few winks, they want something else. Losing sleep can be so difficult, hard to maintain patience. So, that said, sleep when the baby sleeps, leave the other unnecessary stuff, it will wait. This phase won't last for long. Ask for help also. My mother gave me a piece of needlework that said, "Quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep." We know that in the light of day, but remember it when you have a baby or sick child and don't feel badly about napping during the day. It is the right thing to do so that you have more left for the baby in the middle of the night.

names, names, names

Most parents ponder for months the name of their new baby. It is important because it contributes to the persona of the person for the rest of their life. It is unfortunate that the person cannot have some of the input into the choice. I speak from the position of being named for my great grandmother. But, to this day, when I introduce myself to a new person, I cringe when I say my name. It wasn't helped when my son found a list of the worst names, mine was there. I like my middle name, which was for my grandmother. It has been used with the next two generations but I have threatened my children if they name a child after me. I am serious.

I have four children and I think that all of them like their names except for one. He thinks that it is a little boy name. He prefers the traditional names like Sam, Jack, John, Bill and says that he has never known anyone with one of this designer names who is worth much. Generalization I am sure but that is his perspective. Women tend to want the unique name for their special child. Be careful with family names, nice if it is a name that they won't cringe for the rest of their life when saying it.

Names go in cycles, obviously. My generation the "new" names were Carol, Betty, Patsy, Gayle, Elaine. When have you heard those names used today? I think that the names that are being used are some of the ugliest. I won't go into those since it might offend someone. You can almost guess the age of someone named Renee or Jennifer or Kelly. Think about it, your child's personality will make the name his. Some of my favorite names for girls are Susan, Emily, Ann, Laura, none of which did I use. For boys, I like names that can't be confused for girls or "y" added on. Bob becomes Bobby, John, Johnny etc. Also, don't use a name that has to be spelled every time they go to the doctor or have to sign up for something. How will it look on a ballot or marquis? As my mother, they all cost the same, just give it some thought from different perspectives. Also, watch for initials. I laugh when I think of my friend whose initials are ASS, well, it was her married name, but she can't even get an acceptable monogram by putting the last name in the middle. Good luck...

disposition

Yes, a good disposition is a wonderful thing, wherever you may find it. Set the example for your children of patience and a positive outlook in every way that you can. I didn't say that it was always easy but worthy of cultivation.

language development

Language development is an amazing thing to observe. How do they learn a language in their first two years? How long would it take you to learn Chinese? Obviously, there are special factors involved at this young age. Don't the experts say that you can only learn a language without accent in the first seven years? Apparently that is the prime time for such development. So, as parents, doesn't it make sense that for anything to come out, something has to go in. I think this is called receptive language, what you put in and expressive language, what comes back out. So, it is never too young to talk to a child. Talk as you normally would, or should, and they learn the patterns of the sounds, tone, pitch and gradually make associations with the activity or objects. My youngest daughter has been pretty amazing with her one child. She has always talked to him a lot, in fact to the point that we thought she was a little extreme in the things that she said to him. Well, guess what, at age 2, his language skills are pretty impressive. A cute story: I was with them a couple of weeks ago. He was working a puzzle in a store while we shopped. A lady asked how old he was while observing him working the puzzle. When I told her, she said that he was doing very well. I asked him the name of the vehicle he was placing in the puzzle and he said, "Excavator"; she just smiled and rolled her eyes. It is a physiological fact; a person, even a child, must hear language to learn to speak the language. So, read and talk to them, in your normal voice...a lot...and see what happens. That said, early language development just makes communicating with a toddler easier, but don't worry, you won't be able to tell the early talkers from the others when they go to first grade. In fact a lot of the things that we have concern about such as when they walk or when they potty train will not be an issue when they are in first grade. It will all happen in good time. Anyone who has raised more than one knows that they are all different.

One of the greatest gifts that we can give our children is to see delight in our eyes when they enter the room.

a baby deserves

One of my pet peeves is to see children dragged around town in a shopping cart when you know that they are exhausted. Children deserve to be at home in their beds for a nap and a regular bedtime. Granted, there are necessary exceptions, but remember, a baby deserves to be in a quiet safe comfortable bed at the appropriate times. It will be needed for such a relatively short period of time. It's a parent's responsibility, their part of the deal.

another older friend's advice

You don't have to teach children to be honest, faithful, responsible, kind, loving, polite and good citizens of the world, show them by your example. They will be all of those things and you will be a better person also. Really, it works.

A friend who also has grown children and grandchildren once told me that her husband would frequently remind her as their children were growing up to "give them good memories". She said that when they wanted to pop popcorn and it was bedtime and she was tired, he would say this. It was annoying to her at times but now she agrees. I wish that I had this painted across the wall in my house when my children were growing up. We all have memories of our childhood, some are good and some not so good. What you remember may not be what your mother remembers, just a different perspective. But, think of the adult that this child will become and put in memories of you and your home life for them to treasure, not those that they want to forget.

When I was first a parent, I felt that I was going to mold these children into the people that I chose they would be. In fact, I had the responsibility to do so. Now, as a grandparent, I see this next generation of children and wonder who they will become. I think that so much of the raw material is present and we only have to keep them safe and love them into whom they are destined to become. Oversimplification, perhaps, but look at each situation as whether the decision makes them safe and loved. It's a good beginning point. It also frees you as parents to delight in the adventure of their emerging into adults.